We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
