In the future we'll all be gay
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
