I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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