you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
