the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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