some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
