I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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