OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
