The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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