that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
