She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
