too bad you live with your parents still
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
