she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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