I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
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