You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
