i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
