You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
