the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Even my vagina gasped.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
