??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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