Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
