people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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