just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
