I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
