Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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