Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
