Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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