Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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