I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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