A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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