marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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