I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
