god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
