There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
barbara walters just said penis...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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