I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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