We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
