i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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