tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
