Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
