my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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