I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
