I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
