Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
