the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
