Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
