Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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