was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
