Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
