lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
