Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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