ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
