the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
