everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
