I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
