I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
