I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
