I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
