Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize