Me. At least after what I've been through.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
