It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
