i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
