the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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