Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
