just come out here and I will go home with you...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
