i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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