He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
