Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
