jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
