I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
