how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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